Sex Education is only taboo if parents keep quiet

The P6 boys were gathered together. Then gesturing to the genital area, our principal asked “Who has hair raise your hand”.

And that was Daddy’s own Sex Education experience :p

Sex Education
Sex Education

Discovery

Sex Education is not easy for most parents.
-How should I approach the topic, and my child?
-When is the best time to teach?
-What should we share? Tips?

Some parents are worried that kids will be more curious and start exploring. We share the same thoughts.

#TrueStory Son: Daddy are you having a boner?

Sub-consciously, I went into “Damage control” mode. My first reaction was to scan around and checked whether anyone else heard what my boy just whispered.

Walau! (Oh My!)  What did my son just blurted?
I was more embarrassed than angry.
Took a deep breathe, I need to be calm before I probed for answers.

Interrogation Investigation”

Bewilderment was an understatement.
Where did my innocent boy picked up this term? Friends? Classmates or YouTube?

He does not even understand what is a boner!
(Parents would know, kids always utter words which they are clueless about)

Very often, kids just parrot (repeat) what siblings and peers would say or insinuate, without understanding the word, or potential impact.

Need another example? My other kid also blurted “Bastard ” because he caught it off drama’s subtitles! (I gave him a scolding, but on hindsight I should listen to him first. #DontJudge ) 

The “Discovery” in Sexuality Education very much applies to parents too :p
We are also learning how to teach.

Image credit Google search

 

Awareness and education

Kids, it is normal to be curious.
Parents, we have been through the teenage stage too, #过来人

It is ok to ask Dad about new “sexuality-related” terms which you come across. Erections and wet dreams are normal and part of puberty.

At home, parents will decide who is the more effective teacher.
I will defer menstruation and sanitation topics to the Mrs 🙂

Teachers are another avenue to impart Sex education awareness to children. However, Consistency and Effectiveness will differ from teacher to teacher.

One teacher with 40 students, the message might not be carried across, and some teachers might just go through motion

If parents have their reservations about teaching, I am going to assume that not all teachers will be comfortable sharing Sexual Education topics on Powerpoint.

Parents are still the first (and best) candidates for teaching Sexuality Education.

Google, Youtube as Teachers!

I was a teenager before, and I would always chat and joke about Sex Education topics with classmates and friends.

If we parents need only one motivation to teach, let it be WWW.
If we are not teaching Sex Education topics to our child, they will pickup knowledge (and myths) from YouTube and Google.

Have you seen their mobile games and YouTube channels? With a few clicks on “Recommended channels”, kids might land on undesirable websites.

Facebook, Whatsapp, Snapchat and tomorrow’s apps are all harvesting our preferences and sometimes pushing undesirable ad (clickbaits) to kids.

Kids might form the wrong impression.
Example pornography demean female body as sexual objects.
.. and children (both boys and girls) are not safe from pedophiles.

It is not enough for kids to know more about their body and puberty, they need to protect themselves too.

Sexuality Education

MOE (Ministry of Education) call it Sexuality Education now, it was still “Sex Education” during my time :p

I would prefer to teach Sex Education to my kids in phases, look out for those teachable moments.

-When kids talk about kissing scenes
-When kids share Whatsapp photos of indiscreet photos, or those pranks
-When they caught hold of porn or suggestive advertisements on YouTube
-When 晚报 display a sensational Subject article
-When TV programme subtitles add a new word to their vocabulary (eg bitch)

Movies with so many F words (F uck). I cannot censor this word because it is so commonly mouthed by kids nowadays.

People will just add F to their sentence for emphasis. Not cool, but kids will think otherwise.

I do admit my training method is not really structured. But I am able to recycle my “training agenda” among the kids. As I teach more, the topic become more natural, and less awkward.

Some of the topics which I have covered for my kids at different stages :

(Puberty)
Body parts and change
Sexual reproduction organs
Penis ( instead of koo koo bird)
Vagina (use the correct terms for genitals)
Voice breaking
Hair growth
Wet dream
Molest
Behaviour and social norms (eg cannot anyhow touch others, no exposing of private parts in public area #WeAreAsians)

How to control emotions, and mood swings.
Anxiety about puberty might cause them to behave differently.

(Awareness)
Expression of love
BGR Boyfriend girlfriend relationships
Alternate lifestyle (gays and lesbians)
Kissing
Ejaculation
Menstruation
Erection
Pregnancy
Masturbation
Pornography
Sperm and egg
Abstinence
Protection (Condoms)

Where do babies come from?
Daddy and Mummy intimacy is one way to keep our love and family strong.

Additional tips

Our parenting style is to keep the door open, kids always know they can come back to ask parents about anything. Daddy will be frank and open with any topic.

Kids today are no longer as innocent as they look, they understand most of the Sexuality Education topics which I was covering. But they are not mature enough to comprehend consequences.

a) When should I start Sexuality Education orientation?
Before kids show signs of puberty. It can be around the age of P4 or even P3 .

b) External materials.
I do recycle some of the materials from Secondary School’s Sexuality Education. You may find more materials from MOE website

-> MOE Link (but the URL links keep changing)
-> Download reference pdf “Love them, Talk about Sex pdf” (link)

c) From my own experience, it will be awkward for both parent and child. Kids would be restless before we finish the session. It does gets better and less awkward with more practice.

d) Loving and Respecting our spouse
This is the best way to impart correct sexual attitude to our kid
(hope I did not phase it wrongly)

e) Keep the Conversation ongoing and engage the kids.
Sexuality Education topics are necessary and definitely not Taboo.

f) We do Sexual Orientation one child at a time, not in group
This allows us to understand our child’s individual concerns and needs

g) Instead of hourly session, break session into 20 30 minutes
Sexuality Education is not one time. Sessions are added progressively as the child matures.

h) No1 rule for parents – Do not be judgmental
This will surely turn the kids away.

I guess parents will never know how much does our child understand, or absorb. My kids are unlikely to score me on my effectiveness and I cannot ask them to fill in survey form (haha ).

Do you have more tips to share with us?

How do you make Sexuality Education session interesting and less tense?
Any parenting hacks to improve Sexuality Education effectiveness?

.. All images above credit MOE

Parenting hacks

Parenting hacks. Is there such a thing?

After 4 kids, I can only say we managed, day by day. From infant to toddlers to Primary school and teenagers. Try not to think too far ahead because we sometimes cannot even see beyond the week :p

Brawling, wailing, falling sick and total meltdown. Peace at home does not always exist and is considered a luxury 🙂

The best advice we can give to new parents is take it easy, chill.  No matter what we do, some folks would still like to judge (let them, strangers’ words hold no meaning for us)

Do not get us wrong, we were always worried with our No 1, but with more experience, we learn to let go, and enjoy the moments. (an excuse to indicate we relax our standards for subsequent kids :p )
Lee Boon Wee

If the utensils are filling up and if the laundry are piling up, take a deep breath, eat an ice cream and chill for 2 minutes.

Handle one thing at a time. Somehow, everything will work out, ALWAYs.

Give the kids some credit, they are always more resilient and resourceful (and crafty) than we adults would belief. We tend to believe that there are helpless little bundles, and proceed to cuddle and spoon feed them all the way.

Some challenges and falls will make them grow faster, and hopefully more resilient.

parenting hacks
parenting hacks

I would like to believe that my kids are generally ok. They are mischievous, they often rebel and they still make us parents suffer headache and heart pain. But we know all these are growing up phases, and kids might not even comprehend their actions yet.

It is not bochap (nonchalant), but we parents need to learn to let go. If we pursue every minute details and micro-manage, we only end up stressing ourselves.

Sometimes, we need to balance between Control (parents’ sanity) and Freedom (to let the child grow and be more independent). Just like fishing or flying a kite, tension and release (repeat).

Easier said than done, as kids always Game our “parenting tricks”, and we sometimes suspect their mission is to drive parents up the wall!

Mommy Mengchoo is a full-time homemaker. Sounds nice, but she actually works 7 x 24, with no off-in-lieu nor bonus!

Besides her official title as “Mum”, Mengchoo moonlights as a cook, a helper, a teacher, driver,  and Google.

Kids will always take turn to interrogate ask :
-Mommy, where is my bag?
-Mommy, how do I do this?
-Can you teach me modelling (not cat walk but the Maths concept)
-Mommy, why cockroach can fly?
Mommy, why you are not working, like Daddy?

Of course, we will always encourage the kids to Google for answer first. The idea is to be self reliant, and along the way pickup positive traits like “Initiative and Resourcefulness”.

Fortunately, poor Mommy has Taobao and Korean dramas to de-stress.
Fellow Dads can try to be a stay-at-home-Dad for 3D2N to experience and APPRECIATE our MRS multi-tasking skills! I struggled when Mrs went Bangkok…. (read my old SAHD blog post)

Sometimes, I feel so guilty when I request to make love .

Looking at her sleeping like a baby (and sometimes snoring), slumber dreamland is the only time for her to recover and recharge, her own “me time”. She would be so tired at the end of the day, and sleep is the only thing on her mind, not crazy Sex. When she is awake, her thoughts are 99.5% about the kids’ welfare (as do most Moms).

Darling, I am not good at expressing myself.

But the family would not be stable without your loving care (includes discipline and nagging too). The kids might not appreciate our intention now, but I strongly believe their characters have a good foundation (I hope) .

 

We captured the kids childhood through our blog and photos.
We are just like any families out there.
There will be squabbles and disagreements between family members.

Although our Facebook and Instagram only show Fun Loving photos, that does not mean everything is chirpy at home.
True is, 家家有本难念的经 (literally every home has a hard-to-decipher Scripture), every home will have to manage their own harmony and challenges.

We are still family at the end of the day and must Love and support each other.

If you ask me and Mrs 10 years ago what we expect from Family life.

We will tell you we would love to have a few kids.
Her wish is to be a home-maker.
.. but having four kids was never in the plan.

If you ask us whether we would like to have multiple kids again, me and Mrs will give a resounding YES 🙂

Back to the first question, are there Parenting hacks?
Yes, but not all might be applicable.

The most effective “parenting hacks” is the one when a couple Works as a Team.